Home Depot Scam!

I received this e-mail from my husband today. It’s a MUST READ!

“Next time we need something from Home Depot, I’ll go by myself.  I don’t want to take a chance on your getting hurt or robbed.”

Hubby

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Subject: Home Depot Scam

Guys be aware of a Home Depot parking lot scam.

A “heads up” for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two seriously good looking 20 year old or so girls come over to your car as you are packing your materials into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a towel and Windex and with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts it almost impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘”no” and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds. You agree and they get in the back of the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th and again on July 1st, the 4th and twice on the 8th, 16th and the 23rd.

So tell your friends to be careful.

BTW Wal-Mart has wallets on sale 1.99 each.

maryt

Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counseling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

———– —————————————-

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.
-Walter

maryt

Coughing and Wrestling

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?”

The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”

The owner says, “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”

The clerk says, “Oh yeah? Look at him, he’s afraid to cough!”

Mouse Wrestling Ring Busted

The Commissioner of Animal Crimes Prosecution in the Solicitor General’s office announced yesterday that the RCMP had made 4 arrests in connection with a cross- country mouse wrestling ring.
Working in conjunction with several unspecified local police forces the RCMP Tiny Crimes Unit raided several locations in several provinces in a pre-dawn strike. Most of the locations proved to be empty but in one of them there were four guys who appeared to be taunting mice into fighting.
The TCU arrested the four men and captured six mice who were turned over to the Humane Society. They also seized 3 1/2 kilos of havarti, known as “The Fighting Cheese” for its pugnative properties.

maryt

This and That

NEWS BRIEF

Scientists Find Link Between Eating and Death

Scientists in Australia reported Saturday that Stage One of their ongoing research in the apparent link between eating and death is now complete. Scientists and others across the globe are worried what these findings mean for mankind’s future. Put simply the research shows that if you eat you will die. Researchers hope for a substantial amount of future funding to continue delving deeper into their studies.

BEST FRIEND JOKE

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, “That’s quite a heavy drink. What’s the problem?”
After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, “I found my wife in bed with my best friend.”
‘Wow,” says the barkeep. “What did you do about it?” “I walked over to my wife, looked her in the eye, told her to pack her stuff, and get the hell out.”
“That makes sense,” remarks the barkeep… “And, what about your best friend?”
“I looked him right in the eye and yelled, “Bad Dog”

maryt

Bridge to Hawaii

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, “Lord, grant me one wish.”

The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take over thousands of miles! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ” nothing!”, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge!

maryt

Husbands and Wives

My husband sent me these two jokes in an e-mail today. This is what he said:

“This doesn’t apply to us, but it was funny.

Hubby”

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.”My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed……………

A woman in her fifties is at home, naked, happily jumping on her bedand laughing out loud. Her husband watches her for a while and asks,”Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?”The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don’t care whatyou think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says thatnot only am I healthy, but I have the breast of an 18 year-old.”

The husband replies, “What did he say about your 55-year old ass?”
“Your name never came up,” she replied.

maryt

Give Me Five Monday meme

The ‘Give Me Five’ Monday meme is designed to share fun information with each other in a simple short list! Here’s how it works. Each week, I will put out a random topic from my list of topics and you share 5 answers of your choice on the given topic and link back here! You can add photos, links or stories or just a simple list of your own of 5 things that relate to the topic as it pertains to you and your life experiences. It doesn’t have to be in any order of importance unless otherwise specified.
Sign up for weekly reminder emails @ beccagirl@charter.net

Give Me Five tips and tricks for keeping your house clean and clutter free.

1. Mop only those parts of the floor that people can see.

2. Blow the dust off the furniture every day. As you pass a piece of furniture blow at it. It will keep the dust at bay for a time.

3. Convert from oil to gas heat

4. No curtains on any windows. No blinds. Shades only. Cheap ones so you can throw them away when they get yellow.

5. Hire a cleaning service and have them come every third week whether your house needs it or not.

Go to BeccA’s Buzz for other participants and some real good suggestions for keeping your house clean.

maryt

Loyal Fan

A Packer[s] fan wins a radio raffle to a Packer’s playoff game, and even though it’s in the corner of the stadium, closer to the Goodyear blimp than to the field, he’s happy. Then he notices an empty seat about ten rows up, almost on the fifty-yard line. He works his way over and asks if the seat is taken. the man next to it says no. He wonders aloud how someone would not use a ticket to a Packer game, and the man replied that the seat was his wife’s but that she died. He asked if the fellow didn’t have a relative or friend who would use the ticket, and the man replied, “Not really. They’re all at the funeral.”

peter piaskoski, Shorewood, Wisconsin

maryt

Thursday Thirteen #4

13 things I’m grateful for this Thanksgiving:

1. There is someone in my family who wants to do the cooking. Thanks, Rose!

2. I live in a home that’s warm (at least for now given the price of gas and oil) and well decorated.

3. I don’t have to get on a plane, train or helicopter to get where I’m going Thanksgiving Day.

4. I have a very good gastroenterologist.

5. I have a very good husband.

6. I have an excellent nail salon but I think it’s going to close soon. <sigh>

7. My hair still has body and fullness.

8. There are 2 stations I want to listen to on talk radio: NPR and Air America.

9. No one expects me to dress up anymore.

10. I have 3 warm coats.

11. I want to be with everyone who is coming to Thanksgiving dinner.

12. I have no blisters or bunions on my feet.

13. I can read and right write.

 

maryt

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Thursday Thirteen #2

Thirteen Reasons Elizabeth Kucinich should be First Lady of America:

She has a tongue stud.

She’s a 29-year-old hippie chick from Upminster at the end of the London Underground’s District line.

She is able to hang out with the likes of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama backstage at the Democratic presidential debates. “There’s a kind of camaraderie,” she said.

She’s a 6-foot-tall willowy redhead who has been compared to Arwen Evenstar, the “Lord of the Rings” character played in the films by Liv Tyler.

She towers over her diminutive husband and she’s not bothered by their 31-year age difference.

She’s been a volunteer worker for the American Monetary Institute, an offbeat group dedicated to reforming the “unjust monetary system.”

She mesmerized Kucinich with an e-mail with her usual signature line from “Kama Sutra,” one of her favorite films: “Knowing love, I shall allow all things to come and go, to be as supple as the wind and take everything that comes with great courage. My heart is as open as the sky.”

The actress Shirley MacLaine attended their wedding.

“If Dennis were elected, they would make a great team,” Elizabeth said.

“Can you imagine what it would be like to have real love in the White House and a true union between the masculine and the feminine?” Elizabeth said.

There were clues in her childhood that they were destined for each other, Elizabeth believes. She lived with her mother, a divorcée, on the outskirts of London in a farm laborer’s dilapidated house that was lovingly restored over the years. “The address was 4, Dennis’s Cottages, Dennis’s Lane,” she said.

She loves New Age philosophy.

She’s not a vegan and she has great respect for the Royal Family. Diana is her heroine.

Adapted from Fox News.com

maryt